Welcome to the End of the World!
*\(^ - ^)\* Don't worry, the Grim Reaper gives out cookies! */(^ - ^)/*
The Apocalypse (aka Armaggedon, Doomsday, and Ragnarok) has been scheduled to take place this friday at 7:06pm. Charon's last ferry to the Pearly Gates leaves promptly at 6pm, so don't be late! Once you've reached the Pearly Gates, please group together with your family. Once you have, find the rest of the people from your city and then merge that group with your country. When you leave for Hell or Heaven, please take all of your luggage with you. We are pleased to inform you that EVERYONE is invited. However, Death Sorting will be an individual assessment, and results will be based on your actions in life. No attention will be paid to variables such as sexuality, gender, religion, race, etc. Take no notice of the forces of evil destroying the earth below you as you exit the Judgement room.
When the End begins, we will shut down our reincarnation program until the world is reborn. Once that's happened, the program will be revived and will work it's way down the tiers of death, from Elysium to Asphodel and then the Minor Fields of Punishment.
Construction in Elysium
Due to the number of people in Elysium whose dream house is styled after- or from- a work of fiction, the angels there are building a whole new neighborhood to fulfill all requests. Pictured above is a replica of Bilbo's Hobbit Hole, from The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.
Expansion in the Field of Punishment
In anticipation of the sheer number of sinners arriving for the end of the world, Satan has ordered the Fields of Punishment to be expanded. Living quarters are scheduled to be finished in a fortnight.
Fewer Souls Reincarnated
A record-breakingly low number of souls have been part of the Reincarnation Program this week. Our sources tell us that this is because few people want to be born only to die immediately. To address the issue, the head of the program, Ms. White, has issued a brochure to all incoming souls detailing
About Our Employees
Here at Angels Incorporated, we take the training of our workers very seriously. Our judges are 100% impartial, and rest assured that every member of our team can handle a myriad of situations. Whether someone escaped the Fields of Punishment and is trying to gate-crash Elysium or your house has a leak, our angels can fix the problem, no problem!
Applies only to the appropriate divisions. Do not detain angels on/duirng important business.
If you're under the age of 18, you have a chance at taking a tour of the afterlife before you actually die! If you're fatally ill and the Fates know you'll die within a year, expect a visit from our tour angels in your sleep. You'll have the option to revert to soul form, take a look around Death, and go back to earth with plans for your future before anyone knows you're gone!
Tours on Tuesdays and Thurdays exclusively. Only available for minors. You must be literally dying to qualify. Angels Incorporated is not responsible for any souls who wander off and are lostduring the tour, whether they disappeared into Asphodel or Tartarus.
Prayers end up in our inbox and will be responded to if deemed worthy or urgent. For emergencies, our prayer hotline is open 24/7, and our Peace Keeper angels will send someone to your location as soon as you call it. For a direct but less urgent issue, our email is also available at any time.
Hotline only for when a life is in danger of death. Spam and prank emails will be deleted. Pranks will result in a biased judgement at the prankster's time of death.